Questions to Ask Yourself If You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men
You say you keep attracting emotionally unavailable men…
But what if it’s that your nervous system is actually attracted to them?
Keep reading if you want to stop attracting commitment-phobic partners:
The Chemistry You Crave Might Be Attachment Trauma
Your body might equate love with:
✨ Intensity that spikes your anxiety but feels like passion and chemistry
✨ The high of being chosen after working really hard for it
✨ That unpredictable push-pull dynamic that leaves you spiraling, but also hooked
This is how attachment trauma can live in your nervous system:
You’re not choosing emotionally unavailable men on purpose.
Your body is doing what it knows.
And it can be sneaky and unconscious.
But Deep Down...
Your soul is craving a different kind of love.
A partner who will:
🛋️ Cuddle on the couch after a long day
🥞 Make pancakes with you on Sunday morning
📣 Cheer you on when you go after your goals
📲 Text you when they land
🫶 Be a best friend and your lover
👶 Maybe you can even start a family with
You’re a Self-Aware Girlie 💅
You’ve done the journaling.
The over analyzing your past and attachment style in therapy.
The late night reading and researching (it’s probably how you found your way here 😉).
And yet somehow you still keep ending up in relationships with commitment-phobic men who can’t meet you.
Important Questions to Ask Yourself If You Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men:
What does intensity and chaos in relationships give me?
Does it distract me from the anxiety of building my own life?
Does it keep me distracted from feeling the pain of something deeper I haven’t fully named yet?
Does it give me a false perception of feeling special and chosen?
What am I afraid might happen if someone actually shows up for me and commits?
Am I scared I’ll get hurt again, but worse, if they do commit and then switch up?
Am I scared I’ll have to dull my light or will be criticized?
Am I worried it’ll feel boring, not passionate, because my body still craves the highs of love bombing and unpredictability?
How I Work Differently
Most of the women I work with already know their patterns:
You’re self-aware, smart, a deep feeler.
You’ve done talk therapy.
You’ve read the books.
You could probably teach the attachment style masterclass yourself at this point.
But you still find yourself stuck in the same cycle.
Not because you’re broken, but because insight alone doesn’t rewire your body or nervous system.
The kind of work I do goes deeper.
It helps you feel safe being loved.
We work directly with the parts of you that still associate calm love with boredom.
The part that feels more alive in chaos than connection.
The part that learned attention had to be earned.
In my 1:1 somatic therapy sessions and group therapy program, “To Stay Or Go”, through a unique blend of somatic therapy, Parts Work, and experiential exercises, let’s help you land in a love that feels both passionate AND committed
✨ I offer somatic therapy for women in Hawaii, Pennsylvania, and Montana
✨ I’m currently accepting new clients! CLICK HERE to schedule a free 15-minute Intro Call to learn more
DISCLAIMER
THIS BLOG IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY. IT IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR THERAPY, COUNSELING, OR MEDICAL ADVICE. READING THIS CONTENT DOES NOT ESTABLISH A THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP.
IF YOU ARE IN CRISIS OR NEED IMMEDIATE SUPPORT, PLEASE CALL OR TEXT 988 (THE SUICIDE & CRISIS LIFELINE).
